Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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