Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
