just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found the puke drawer
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
