she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
