Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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