i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
