Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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