WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
