gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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