I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
