Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
