Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
