no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
