i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
