she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
