clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
