the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
