the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
