hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He did a backflip because drugs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
