you traded sex for a burrito?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
