i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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