i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize