Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
