Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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