dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
