Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Terrible idea I love it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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