I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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