her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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