i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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