Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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