I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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