Kiss
Puke
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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