Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
no, he came in my armpit
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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