I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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