So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
