In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize