I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
