I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
