Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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