I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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