He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Houston, we have a blender
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
