And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
