so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
