you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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