At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
