I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
