It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
