How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
