i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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