It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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