Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
