these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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