the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
