We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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