I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
