Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
