she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
