Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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