Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
