Please don't use social media to get back at me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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