the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
