i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
