It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
