All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drake has all the answers
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
