Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
