you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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