If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
